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2012年9月13日 星期四

Dentists Hate You and They Are Probably Aliens


Dentists hate you. But I suppose it's okay to have an attitude if your entire profession revolved around pain, radiation, tooth decay, gingivitis, bad breath, blood and drool.

You dread the visit to the dentist all day long. You park your car and walk into the dentist's office 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment time in order to sit in their waiting room for an hour and a half. They teach the receptionist how to arrange such a schedule in Dental Receptionist College. In Dental Receptionist College all students are required to minor in How to Create Major Inconveniences for your Patients. They know that we might complain about the wait, but we are trapped there and have no choice. Our complaints are taped by secret microphones and played back during office parties.

Once you are there you get to sit down in the well-heated and stuffy waiting room. You can even watch TV, but you are not allowed to touch it. You have to watch whatever the dental receptionist wants to watch; game shows, soap operas and Oprah. This is the beginning of their sensory deprivation process that makes it easier for them to perform alien experiments on your body. If you don't feel like watching TV they have a selection of 2-3 year old magazines for you. They know that old news will help calm you. If you still have any wherewithal left after thumbing through the magazines, your eyes will be hypnotized by the apathetic fish in the aquarium. Listen to the bubbling aquarium filter. Feeling sleepy? Listen to the alien music playing on the intercom. It is Celine Dion. She is the only alien to ever crack the top forty pop music market.

In the back of your now dulled state of mind you hear a voice calling. It is the hygienist. All of a sudden, after waiting 90 minutes, your appointment has a sense of urgency to it. They want to finish you up and go home. Now lie down in the comfortable chair. That chair has special alien gravity powers that hold you down without straps. Have you ever tried to get up quickly from the dental chair?

Let the blood pool in your head as you stare into the bright light. The more blood in your head, the more calm you are and the more blood they can take from you and use for evil. Notice the sterile room you are in. Doesn't it resemble the spaceship operating room that is often described by hypnotized alien abductees? Now put on the safety goggles so that bone chips and broken drill bits do not fly out of your mouth and lodge in your eyeball. Look at the hygienist. She has a mask and goggles. Is it the same person who led you into the room? Maybe she is a victim of alien body snatching. Now gargle with the mystery fluid. It kills the germs in your mouth that may infect the alien population.

Dental professionals prefer to talk to you when they have tools and fingers in your mouth. The odd sounds that you make is actually the alien's native language. You don't realize that you are speaking alien and you soon get frustrated at the apparent lack of communication. Then you resort to just nodding at whatever they are saying. This is okay too because they have alien mind reading powers.

The hygienist now goes to work on you. They do not let you see the tools that they are sticking in your mouth. They take magician and gambling courses in dental school and are deft at the sleight-of-hand. There's a reason they don't want you to see the tools. You would expect alien tools to be space-aged equipment. But they aren't. The aliens are sadistic and want to inflict pain on you. They have been using the same dental surgery tools since the Civil War. If you attempt to fight their gravity chair and peek at the tool table, they will shock your exposed nerves with a blast of cold water or cold air.

How sadistic are dental professionals? Did you know that the US Army Reserve unit that got into trouble for abusing prisoners at Abu Graib was a dental unit? There was a snafu at the assignment office and this reserve dental unit from West Virginia was mistakenly sent to relieve a departing military police company at the prison. These dental professionals were just doing what they were taught to do. Torturing and humiliating people.

Once the hygienist is done scraping every exposed nerve in your jaw she calls for the dentist. He likes the drill. The drill hurts but there are worse things. He was drilling on one of my teeth one day and we fell into a routine together. He would drill a little. Stop. Tears would well up in my eyes. Drill, stop, tears. Drill, stop, tears. This cycle repeated itself about 4 more times when he finally asked, "Why do you wince and tear-up when I stop drilling?" I said, "Doc, it's that music! Every time you stop I can hear Celine Dion playing! Please keep drilling!"

The dentist is good at using euphemisms. "You are going to feel a little pressure," means, "It is going to feel like a yellow jacket stung you on your tonsil." "You are going to feel a pinch" means, "It will feel like this needle pierced the roof of your mouth and penetrated your eyeball."

They speak in a secret code to the hygienist too. "Suction," means, "Get rid of that quart of blood that is pooling in the back of his throat." They even assign a secret numbering system to the dental tools. "Give me a # 3, or a # 4, or a # 8," is shorthand for "the gum eviscerator, "the raw dangling nerve pincer," and "the bone pulverizer."

Now it is time for an x-ray. There is nothing more unearthly than radiation. Do you really think that a human invented the x-ray machine in the 1890s? That was quite a leap in medical science going from barber-surgeons and bloodletting to x-ray machines. Whoever invented the x-ray machine had some alien help. I really can't explain what this machine does to you. They jam something into your mouth (a GPS?), immobilize you with a lead blanket, and then shoot strange rays at you.

Before you leave they tell you to floss. They want you to take a nylon wire and rub it in between your teeth until your gums bleed. This is the same principle as taking a linoleum knife and running it back and forth in between your toes. The last thing they tell you before you leave is not to eat or drink anything for the next 96 hours.

As you exit the building and walk out to your car in the parking lot you sense a weird feeling. Though you spent the entire afternoon at the dentist office it has only felt like five minutes since you first arrived and got out of your car. This is called "lost time" or "missing time" and it is the same phenomenon that alien abductees experience. Coincidence?




Something Ain't Right

http://www.somethingaintright.com





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

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2012年7月16日 星期一

Dentists Hate You and They Are Probably Aliens


Dentists hate you. But I suppose it's okay to have an attitude if your entire profession revolved around pain, radiation, tooth decay, gingivitis, bad breath, blood and drool.

You dread the visit to the dentist all day long. You park your car and walk into the dentist's office 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment time in order to sit in their waiting room for an hour and a half. They teach the receptionist how to arrange such a schedule in Dental Receptionist College. In Dental Receptionist College all students are required to minor in How to Create Major Inconveniences for your Patients. They know that we might complain about the wait, but we are trapped there and have no choice. Our complaints are taped by secret microphones and played back during office parties.

Once you are there you get to sit down in the well-heated and stuffy waiting room. You can even watch TV, but you are not allowed to touch it. You have to watch whatever the dental receptionist wants to watch; game shows, soap operas and Oprah. This is the beginning of their sensory deprivation process that makes it easier for them to perform alien experiments on your body. If you don't feel like watching TV they have a selection of 2-3 year old magazines for you. They know that old news will help calm you. If you still have any wherewithal left after thumbing through the magazines, your eyes will be hypnotized by the apathetic fish in the aquarium. Listen to the bubbling aquarium filter. Feeling sleepy? Listen to the alien music playing on the intercom. It is Celine Dion. She is the only alien to ever crack the top forty pop music market.

In the back of your now dulled state of mind you hear a voice calling. It is the hygienist. All of a sudden, after waiting 90 minutes, your appointment has a sense of urgency to it. They want to finish you up and go home. Now lie down in the comfortable chair. That chair has special alien gravity powers that hold you down without straps. Have you ever tried to get up quickly from the dental chair?

Let the blood pool in your head as you stare into the bright light. The more blood in your head, the more calm you are and the more blood they can take from you and use for evil. Notice the sterile room you are in. Doesn't it resemble the spaceship operating room that is often described by hypnotized alien abductees? Now put on the safety goggles so that bone chips and broken drill bits do not fly out of your mouth and lodge in your eyeball. Look at the hygienist. She has a mask and goggles. Is it the same person who led you into the room? Maybe she is a victim of alien body snatching. Now gargle with the mystery fluid. It kills the germs in your mouth that may infect the alien population.

Dental professionals prefer to talk to you when they have tools and fingers in your mouth. The odd sounds that you make is actually the alien's native language. You don't realize that you are speaking alien and you soon get frustrated at the apparent lack of communication. Then you resort to just nodding at whatever they are saying. This is okay too because they have alien mind reading powers.

The hygienist now goes to work on you. They do not let you see the tools that they are sticking in your mouth. They take magician and gambling courses in dental school and are deft at the sleight-of-hand. There's a reason they don't want you to see the tools. You would expect alien tools to be space-aged equipment. But they aren't. The aliens are sadistic and want to inflict pain on you. They have been using the same dental surgery tools since the Civil War. If you attempt to fight their gravity chair and peek at the tool table, they will shock your exposed nerves with a blast of cold water or cold air.

How sadistic are dental professionals? Did you know that the US Army Reserve unit that got into trouble for abusing prisoners at Abu Graib was a dental unit? There was a snafu at the assignment office and this reserve dental unit from West Virginia was mistakenly sent to relieve a departing military police company at the prison. These dental professionals were just doing what they were taught to do. Torturing and humiliating people.

Once the hygienist is done scraping every exposed nerve in your jaw she calls for the dentist. He likes the drill. The drill hurts but there are worse things. He was drilling on one of my teeth one day and we fell into a routine together. He would drill a little. Stop. Tears would well up in my eyes. Drill, stop, tears. Drill, stop, tears. This cycle repeated itself about 4 more times when he finally asked, "Why do you wince and tear-up when I stop drilling?" I said, "Doc, it's that music! Every time you stop I can hear Celine Dion playing! Please keep drilling!"

The dentist is good at using euphemisms. "You are going to feel a little pressure," means, "It is going to feel like a yellow jacket stung you on your tonsil." "You are going to feel a pinch" means, "It will feel like this needle pierced the roof of your mouth and penetrated your eyeball."

They speak in a secret code to the hygienist too. "Suction," means, "Get rid of that quart of blood that is pooling in the back of his throat." They even assign a secret numbering system to the dental tools. "Give me a # 3, or a # 4, or a # 8," is shorthand for "the gum eviscerator, "the raw dangling nerve pincer," and "the bone pulverizer."

Now it is time for an x-ray. There is nothing more unearthly than radiation. Do you really think that a human invented the x-ray machine in the 1890s? That was quite a leap in medical science going from barber-surgeons and bloodletting to x-ray machines. Whoever invented the x-ray machine had some alien help. I really can't explain what this machine does to you. They jam something into your mouth (a GPS?), immobilize you with a lead blanket, and then shoot strange rays at you.

Before you leave they tell you to floss. They want you to take a nylon wire and rub it in between your teeth until your gums bleed. This is the same principle as taking a linoleum knife and running it back and forth in between your toes. The last thing they tell you before you leave is not to eat or drink anything for the next 96 hours.

As you exit the building and walk out to your car in the parking lot you sense a weird feeling. Though you spent the entire afternoon at the dentist office it has only felt like five minutes since you first arrived and got out of your car. This is called "lost time" or "missing time" and it is the same phenomenon that alien abductees experience. Coincidence?




Something Ain't Right

http://www.somethingaintright.com





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

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2012年3月24日 星期六

2008 Graduates - 20 Things You Probably Won't Hear at Commencement Ceremonies


Graduation means new adventures, new paths, and lots of new choices to make. Whether you're leaving for college or the work force, there are lots of things folks will tell you, attempting to give you 'advice' as you head out for this next 'stage' of your life. It doesn't really matter how old you are, or where you're heading off to. Everyone's going to tell you what to do (and what NOT to do), because they love you or they want to see you succeed, or maybe even so they can live vicariously through you. My guess is all that 'stuff' will come from a place of good intent. (Or whoever paid for your college tuition just wants their money's worth!) Whatever the case, here are some things you probably won't hear from all those 'grown-ups' who mean you well.

1. It's only going to be as hard as you think. It's up to YOU to find what works, not from what anyone else has done. Choose your path by way of your heart.

2. If you drink, don't drive. If you drive, don't drink. Common sense is not as common as one might think.

3. Always carry snacks. You never know when you might need food to get you through the next few hours. Food is more essential than alcohol (it's true!), but don't underestimate the medicinal properties of a glass of wine. It's part of your fruits/vegetables group. Also, don't over-imbibe as this well cause serious memory loss (which may be the difference between passing and failing that exam!)

4. Sleep is not to be underestimated. Sleep deprivation has been proven to reduce brain capacity by vast amounts, turning even the most brilliant student into an imbecile. Proven fact! (the adage 'I'll sleep when I'm dead" is NOT to be taken seriously!)

5. Personal hygiene is of the utmost importance. You can wear the same pair of jeans for days as long as you're also wearing clean undergarments. If you don't believe this, try living with someone who never bathes. This will cause various maladies including, but not limited to, sleep deprivation, nausea, chronic discomfort of the olfactory senses and weight loss (it's hard to eat when someone that foul-smelling is in the room!)

6. Avoid green shower stalls. If it looks like there's carpet in the bathroom (and you KNOW it's tile) do not put your bare feet on that floor. Fungi are nasty little organisms that are difficult to eradicate and extremely unpleasant sensory experiences. If all else fails, wear flip-flops!

7. Gym membership is not essential to staying in shape. Your own body-weight will do the trick. Good old-fashioned sit-ups, push-ups and a spirited hike will keep you just as fit as an hour a day in a gym. The added benefits of staying in shape? You don't need to sleep as much! (please refer to item # 4)

8. An email is NOT the same as a hard copy. In other words, drop your Mom a card every now and then. She'll appreciate the time you took to write it (in your own handwriting please!) and drop it in a mailbox. This will result in more 'treats' for you! The next time you bring 3 months worth of laundry home, she'll do it with a smile. Trust me, this works wonders!

9. Always respond quickly when Care Packages arrive. More thank-you notes result in more to be thankful for. In short, gratitude begets gratitude. Be grateful for every little thing. (side effect: it makes you feel good too!)

10. Hats are terrific for all sorts of catastrophies. Bad hair days, dirty hair days, rain, visible roots (color much?), etc. They're also quite handy for keeping those nasty little critters off of you (think ticks...ICK!)

11. Cotton, cotton, cotton! Avoid synthetic clothing. Cotton is more comfortable, easy to wash (even in the dorm sink), dries quickly and wears well. The nearest discount store sells cotton t-shirts in 6-packs. Buy 2. This will give you plenty of time to find someone to do your laundry before you run out. (same with socks!)

12. Say hi to the 'dork'. Just because someone LOOKS like a geek does not mean they don't have a heart. Be nice. You never know who that geek will turn into (think Bill Gates!). Besides, like gratitude, nice begets nice. Ignore the jackasses who think they're better than you. As my daddy used to say, "even the Pope has to wipe his own butt". (not a pretty picture, but you get the idea!) We are all people....and no one is better than anyone else. (it's just that some think otherwise...leave them to their delusions and get on with it)

13. It only takes 21 days to form a habit. Choose the ones that will provide the most benefit, and stick to it. It won't be long before you're the one acing exams and still having time to have fun! You CAN do both. It's all about balance.

14. Phone home. Once a week, call your parents. Just tell them you love them. If you've never done this before, expect various reactions. Do not dismay. This, too, shall pass. One day, after you're all 'grown-up', you'll be glad you did this. Again, you'll have to trust me here. Because they (your parents) won't be around forever...now is as good a time as any to tell them you care.

15. When your cash flow doesn't flow ~ BE CREATIVE. You'd be amazed at the things you can do to make money. Example: go to www.craigslist.org Search under 'Free'. Get free stuff...and sell it. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

16. Volunteer: you will be utterly astonished at how much this will change your life. Find something that inspires you (animal shelters, homes for the elderly, food banks, women's shelters, etc) and donate some of your time. It feels good, and the returns are a hundred-fold. Remember, what goes around, comes around.

17. Listen to your gut. Intuition is a gift EVERYONE has been bestowed. Use it. Often. It will always lead you to your best Self. It's also handy for recognizing the jerk that's hiding behind that pretty face. Trust your gut MORE than your eyes. Seeing is not necessarily believing.

18. There's no such thing as a stupid question. If you don't know, ASK. The only 'stupid question' is the one that goes unasked. Besides, how do you think the greatest minds of our time got their answers? Think Nobel Peace Prize.

19. Education is more than just the stuff you learn in class. It's equal parts mental, moral and aesthetic development. This means knowledge (from books/teachers/labs), experiences (parties, outings, etc.), and exploration. Don't be afraid to try new things. You might be surprised what you'll learn about your Self!

20. S-T-R-E-T-C-H! Both physically and otherwise...STRETCH. Reach beyond your norm and let yourself wander. Stretch your body throughout the day (good for lots of stuff!). Stretch your mind to consider new possibilities. Stretch your consciousness to feel the whole of this marvelous Universe. There is much to learn. Much to experience. Much to live. GO FOR IT!

Here's to your new adventures. I wish you great love, great joy and many wonderful experiences. Blessings to all the grads (and their parents!)




Camille Olivia Strate is an author and coach who takes great pleasure in helping folks 'remember' who they are. She spends much of her time with her beloved animals, maintaining that they are her greatest connection to Source. When she's not coaching or writing, she can be found in the garden or on a trail, soaking in the marvels of Nature's offerings. Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hardcopy to follow soon! Visit her personal site at http://joyizzachoice.blogspot.com/ [http://www.joyzachoice.com]





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2011年12月21日 星期三

Dentists Hate You and They Are Probably Aliens


Dentists hate you. But I suppose it's okay to have an attitude if your entire profession revolved around pain, radiation, tooth decay, gingivitis, bad breath, blood and drool.

You dread the visit to the dentist all day long. You park your car and walk into the dentist's office 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment time in order to sit in their waiting room for an hour and a half. They teach the receptionist how to arrange such a schedule in Dental Receptionist College. In Dental Receptionist College all students are required to minor in How to Create Major Inconveniences for your Patients. They know that we might complain about the wait, but we are trapped there and have no choice. Our complaints are taped by secret microphones and played back during office parties.

Once you are there you get to sit down in the well-heated and stuffy waiting room. You can even watch TV, but you are not allowed to touch it. You have to watch whatever the dental receptionist wants to watch; game shows, soap operas and Oprah. This is the beginning of their sensory deprivation process that makes it easier for them to perform alien experiments on your body. If you don't feel like watching TV they have a selection of 2-3 year old magazines for you. They know that old news will help calm you. If you still have any wherewithal left after thumbing through the magazines, your eyes will be hypnotized by the apathetic fish in the aquarium. Listen to the bubbling aquarium filter. Feeling sleepy? Listen to the alien music playing on the intercom. It is Celine Dion. She is the only alien to ever crack the top forty pop music market.

In the back of your now dulled state of mind you hear a voice calling. It is the hygienist. All of a sudden, after waiting 90 minutes, your appointment has a sense of urgency to it. They want to finish you up and go home. Now lie down in the comfortable chair. That chair has special alien gravity powers that hold you down without straps. Have you ever tried to get up quickly from the dental chair?

Let the blood pool in your head as you stare into the bright light. The more blood in your head, the more calm you are and the more blood they can take from you and use for evil. Notice the sterile room you are in. Doesn't it resemble the spaceship operating room that is often described by hypnotized alien abductees? Now put on the safety goggles so that bone chips and broken drill bits do not fly out of your mouth and lodge in your eyeball. Look at the hygienist. She has a mask and goggles. Is it the same person who led you into the room? Maybe she is a victim of alien body snatching. Now gargle with the mystery fluid. It kills the germs in your mouth that may infect the alien population.

Dental professionals prefer to talk to you when they have tools and fingers in your mouth. The odd sounds that you make is actually the alien's native language. You don't realize that you are speaking alien and you soon get frustrated at the apparent lack of communication. Then you resort to just nodding at whatever they are saying. This is okay too because they have alien mind reading powers.

The hygienist now goes to work on you. They do not let you see the tools that they are sticking in your mouth. They take magician and gambling courses in dental school and are deft at the sleight-of-hand. There's a reason they don't want you to see the tools. You would expect alien tools to be space-aged equipment. But they aren't. The aliens are sadistic and want to inflict pain on you. They have been using the same dental surgery tools since the Civil War. If you attempt to fight their gravity chair and peek at the tool table, they will shock your exposed nerves with a blast of cold water or cold air.

How sadistic are dental professionals? Did you know that the US Army Reserve unit that got into trouble for abusing prisoners at Abu Graib was a dental unit? There was a snafu at the assignment office and this reserve dental unit from West Virginia was mistakenly sent to relieve a departing military police company at the prison. These dental professionals were just doing what they were taught to do. Torturing and humiliating people.

Once the hygienist is done scraping every exposed nerve in your jaw she calls for the dentist. He likes the drill. The drill hurts but there are worse things. He was drilling on one of my teeth one day and we fell into a routine together. He would drill a little. Stop. Tears would well up in my eyes. Drill, stop, tears. Drill, stop, tears. This cycle repeated itself about 4 more times when he finally asked, "Why do you wince and tear-up when I stop drilling?" I said, "Doc, it's that music! Every time you stop I can hear Celine Dion playing! Please keep drilling!"

The dentist is good at using euphemisms. "You are going to feel a little pressure," means, "It is going to feel like a yellow jacket stung you on your tonsil." "You are going to feel a pinch" means, "It will feel like this needle pierced the roof of your mouth and penetrated your eyeball."

They speak in a secret code to the hygienist too. "Suction," means, "Get rid of that quart of blood that is pooling in the back of his throat." They even assign a secret numbering system to the dental tools. "Give me a # 3, or a # 4, or a # 8," is shorthand for "the gum eviscerator, "the raw dangling nerve pincer," and "the bone pulverizer."

Now it is time for an x-ray. There is nothing more unearthly than radiation. Do you really think that a human invented the x-ray machine in the 1890s? That was quite a leap in medical science going from barber-surgeons and bloodletting to x-ray machines. Whoever invented the x-ray machine had some alien help. I really can't explain what this machine does to you. They jam something into your mouth (a GPS?), immobilize you with a lead blanket, and then shoot strange rays at you.

Before you leave they tell you to floss. They want you to take a nylon wire and rub it in between your teeth until your gums bleed. This is the same principle as taking a linoleum knife and running it back and forth in between your toes. The last thing they tell you before you leave is not to eat or drink anything for the next 96 hours.

As you exit the building and walk out to your car in the parking lot you sense a weird feeling. Though you spent the entire afternoon at the dentist office it has only felt like five minutes since you first arrived and got out of your car. This is called "lost time" or "missing time" and it is the same phenomenon that alien abductees experience. Coincidence?




Something Ain't Right

http://www.somethingaintright.com





This post was made using the Auto Blogging Software from WebMagnates.org This line will not appear when posts are made after activating the software to full version.

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