My Story!
I remember when my Father returned from WWII in 1946. I was three years old and my Mother took a picture of him holding me and it was the only time my Father touched me in a positive way. I wasn't deprived of touch as a child because my Mother and two Aunts, who were Army RN's, made sure that I not only received touch but understood how important it was to feel it. In 1948 my Mother put me on a step stool and let me massage the shampoo into the hair of her customers at the salon she managed. Today, as a practicing massage therapist, I am blessed to have the ability to offer my technique of healing touch. You will see reference to the words "appropriate touch" throughout this article and what that is intended to define is touch that is given with good intention. I hope that this writing provides the reader with some insight as to what touch is and what it can do to enhance your health and wellbeing.
The dictionary definition of "Touch" is "the action or an act of feeling something with the hand etc"
The operative word is "feeling". There are few experiences more pleasurable than to be stroked, caressed and cared for through the unconditionally caring touch of another. From the moment we are born we are touched and physically nurtured by our parents making us feel warm and safe in a new and strange world. We are physically, emotionally and psychologically designed for this, it is no coincidence that for most of us, when feeling the good intentions of another's touch, we relax. Touch can also stimulate our physiology and we will feel good feelings. We feel like we belong and rarely will we ask for it to stop. Conversely, without touch we can feel physically, psychologically and emotionally neglected and isolated. Why is this? Could it be that the, values that we hold in our culture today have instilled a "can't touch policy", unless it is provided by a licensed medical or approved professional or as a result of our engagement in an intimate relationship. Have we become a "touch" "less" society. We have cell phones and computers that allow us to be in touch without really touching. While massaging at a local fund raiser a couple of years ago, I noticed that there were 3 young girls who were sitting side by side and texting furiously. I asked them who they were talking too and the answer was "each other". What ever happened to just talking? Are we so out of touch that we just don't communicate in person anymore?
Where it all began - The touch of the ancients!
For centuries and in many early cultures, healing touch has been an accepted healing therapy. As early as the 3rd century BC Chinese Taoist Priests and the more remote tribes on Pacific islands, used oils which were often infused with herbs and flowers. This made touch an integral part of maintaining a healthy state of wellbeing. It was seen to facilitate recovery from an ailment, calm the body and mind after a hectic day of battle, politics or sport. Also it was used as a treatment for better skin tone and muscle condition. Most importantly, these ancients held no distinction, believing that "if it felt good then it must be good"! Healing touch via massage remained common through the first millennium then gradually, particularly in Western Cultures, the emergence of "medical science" became the only legally allowed and accepted form of providing healing treatments that could or should be applied to the physiology.
Touch in 21st century - The stigma of touch!
Many of us are fortunate to be in a loving intimate relationship with a partner, where touch is given to each other, it is often to show the love and respect that one holds for the other. However for those not in a relationship or for those whose relationship has become non intimate and physically distant, intimate touch can be illusive, with the only means of finding it is by seeking "a treatment". Some attempt to relax by going to the hairdresser or the beautician, some become involved with comfort foods/drink and some hope that the cause of their issues will just be resolved over time. But the touch in these situations is mostly given conditionally, without feeling and with some level of an unpleasant outcome. Many comfort service providers and therapists will painstakingly remain clinical to avoid any impression of inappropriate intimacy, the provider will remain un-involved lest that good feeling of having touch is misunderstood by the receiver or others.
In the societies of the modern Western cultures we are "touch-starved". We actively discourage the kind of open caring that is expressed naturally in other more primitive cultures. It is socially unacceptable to touch unless it is done within the rules set forth from within a society. There is an unwritten rule that says the less you know someone the further away from them you must be. Therefore you are safer and less likely to get involved in their life. What if every one was an emotional island? What if you couldn't interact with anyone? Think about being on a train. When another passenger gets on, the last place they may choose to sit is next to an occupied seat. Only when there is no other option, or if they have another agenda, will they actually sit next to someone else. All too often, when we hear about touch, it is in the context of abuse and violence. It is on the news and in movies constantly.
We will even go out of our way to ignore or deny the need for caring touch, and because our bodies remain imprinted with that basic need, we live with the consequences of a reduced well being, fear, depression, insecurity, and mental illnesses.
According to a report from the CDC, the use of Antidepressants has risen over 400% since 1988. Could it be, in part, to the lack of appropriate touch? The high levels of publicity given to abuse over recent years have been a great deterrent for healthy touching. We're afraid of touching because our actions might be misinterpreted - hence children are deprived of appropriate touch at very early age. Our reaction has been similar to that of the person who having eaten some bad food, decides that the best course of action in the future is not to eat at all, rather than ensuring that what is eaten is healthy. So too it is with touch. There's the inappropriate variety of touch, which will make us ill physically and emotionally, but there's also the nourishing, wholesome kind, which is considered by many to be the staff of life itself.
What is touch?
Though touch is not, in and of itself, an emotion, the sensory elements of touch can and do induce emotional feelings. A comforting hand on the shoulder of someone who is in distress produces an emotional response, where as the aggressive touch of someone exerting some level of control over anther produces a reactive emotion. In the first case, it was the intention of the person doing the comforting that initiated a feeling of being cared for in the recipient. In the second scenario, it was about the intention of gaining control, even if it caused no physical harm, it still initiated a reaction based in fear. Could it be the intention behind the touch that defines either caring or fear? The feelings that we have within us are transmitted and amplified through touch. We seem to know intuitively when touch is caring or threatening and is open to interpretation by the recipient and that is normally based on the conditioning that they have grown up with.
Good intention touch builds closeness, fosters communication, and nurtures intimacy. This type of touching gives a person sense of being cared about and cared for at the same time. Being touched in a good way can allow a person to feel worthy psychologically and physically. Touch is contact, a relationship with that which lies outside our own periphery and it tells us we're not alone. As infants, it's primarily through touch that we explore and make sense of the world; the unconditional touch of our caregivers is essential to healing and growth. The cuddling and stroking we receive in infancy helps build a healthy self image and nurtures the feeling of being accepted and loved.
Studies prove that babies who receive regular massage develop faster and are in better health. Psychologists have demonstrated that our perception of how much and how we are touched relates to how we value ourselves, it's the essential nourishment for our self-esteem. Touch is much more than a physical interaction. It has to do with the acknowledgement of our shared humanness and mutual recognition of the inherent vulnerability and the intense wish for contact that is present in each of us. When we feel loved as a result of an abundance of appropriate touch and affection in our lives, we have an inbuilt sense of safety and inner stability that does not depend upon how other people respond to us. We wake up feeling loved, and go to sleep feeling loved - no matter what slings and arrows get hurled at us in any given day.
How important is touch?
The words that spring to mind are - crucial, critical and vital! Touch is literally vital, because when we go without appropriate touch, we have problems developing emotionally and physically. According to J. Lionel Taylor, author of "The Stages of Human Life, 1921) "Touch is as powerful in healing the physiology as medical science'! "The greatest sense in our body is our touch sense. It is probably the chief sense in the processes of sleeping and waking. It gives us our knowledge of depth or thickness and form; we feel, we love and hate, we are touchy and are touched, through... our skin". Touch is an instinct. When a baby cries, its first instinct is to be picked up, rocked, stroked and soothed. Our first instinct is to do that for the baby. When you bang your head, your instinct is to touch it and rub it to soothe the wound.
Touch is an unthinking part of our everyday language, We say, "we were rubbed the wrong way", "we're out of touch", "that we are thick skinned or thin skinned", "they have the personal touch", "we've "put our finger on it" and maybe the most telling of all, when someone's moving away, we say "please keep in touch", even when what we mean is to write or phone. Touch is also an expression of our need to investigate and learn. I remember when I had a serious episode of kidney stones and the Doctor palpitated my abdomen. It was through her touch that she was able to confirm that I was in need of immediate care. But the one thing that made me feel better was when she gently put her hand on my foot and held that contact for a moment as she ordered the ultra sound and pain meds. That touch expressed that she was holding good intentions for my well being and empathized with my plight. In that moment she became emotionally involved and I felt re-assured and comforted. My blood pressure began to normalize and my pain level became less.
Our largest organ - The Skin
How is it possible that touch can be one of most effective means to influence the structures and functions of body and mind? Does the answer lie in the skin? The skin is the largest sensory organ of the body, arising in a human embryo from the same ectodermic cell layers as the nervous system. In the evolution of the senses, touch is earliest to develop.
Skin statistics: In an adult male there is approximately 19 square feet of skin which contains 5 million sensory cells and represents 12 % of the total body weight. Skin is softer in summer, the pores are wider and there is greater lubrication. In winter it's more compact and firm, the pores are closer together and body hair sheds less. A piece of skin the size of a penny has more than 3 million cells, 100-340 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings and three feet of blood vessels.
Skin contains hundreds of thousands of sensory receptors, which are triggered by skin stimuli. Skin, so closely tied to the nervous system, sends messages to our brain via the spinal cord - heart rate and blood pressure react to what our senses pick up. Appropriate touch can prompt the brain to produce endorphins, the body's natural pain suppressers, which are considered more powerful than morphine. This is why touch that has the intent to facilitate for our wellbeing is considered by our own physiology to be the signal that prompts the brain to release those endorphins. It relaxes us first emotionally because we intuitively sense the intent and then respond physically due to the release of pain reducing hormones.
Touch deprivation - What happens if we're not touched?
The 13th century historian Salimbene described an experiment made by the German Emperor Frederick II, who wanted to know what children would be like if raised without being touched at all. Babies were taken from their mothers and raised in complete isolation. Unfortunately, the result was that they all died. Salimbene wrote in 1248, "They could not live without petting." Nor can anyone else. Untouched adults may not die physically, but the question is, will they be able to experience their life to the fullest? Touch deprivation is considered harmful because it severely affects sleep, which is necessary for the conservation of energy. In studies on separations of very young children from their mothers, sleep was always affected. The time children required to fall asleep was longer, and night waking was more frequent. In several studies a suppressed immune response was noted following the separation of monkeys from their mothers.
Less antibody production and less natural killer cell activity resulted. Upon reunion with their mothers, immune function returned to normal. Studies on touch deprivation among pre-school children who were separated from their mothers also noted signs of depression, more frequent illnesses such as upper respiratory infections. Diarrhea and constipation resulted due to poor diet and a lack of attention to other personal hygiene practices. This is the same for adults who are deprived of appropriate touch. In one study, 26 adults with migraine headaches were randomly assigned to a massage therapy group. They received twice-weekly 30-minute massages for 5 consecutive weeks. In the end, they reported fewer distress symptoms, less pain, more headache free days, fewer sleep disturbances, taking fewer analgesics and also increased serotonin levels.
Why do we love to be touched? Is it Primal?
The need for touch is truly primal! For millennia humans, maybe even before they had the power of speech, more than likely used touch as a form of group communication. In nature we are a tribal species, we need each other to survive, for the first 10 or so years of our lives we are extremely vulnerable we need others to protect us, feed and care for us. It is through their touch that we are re-assured that we belong to the group and that we are safe. Touch identifies our place in the group hierarchy. In Nature, for example, there is an alpha male and female in the wolf pack who use contact to initiate play or establish control. For them it is a major part of their group dynamic. In the human being we use touch to express our feelings as well. A sincere warm handshake expresses how happy we are to meet someone and a hug indicates the same thing but on a more intimate level. Both are considered appropriate based on the intention of the parties involved.
They can also be used to exert dominance and control which may not be appropriate. An appropriate hug to control would be one wherein the hugger is trying to restrain someone from hurting themselves or others. The emotionally driven intent behind the action is what makes that hug appropriate. In the well documented studies by numerous anthropologists on the behavior of primates, we see grooming (touching) as a primary activity. If you have a pet, doesn't it make you feel better to touch them or be touched by them? Studies indicate that when we touch our pets our blood pressure and breathing become more normal. We distress emotionally because we understand that animals are represent an unconditional intent and our giving to them. Our body simply follows the lead.
Massage-What is it really?
One definition of massage is "a treatment that involves rubbing or kneading of the muscles, either for medical or therapeutic purposes and/or simply as an aid to relaxation". Another is to "give a boost with kind or uplifting treatment". In reality, massage is far more than both of those definitions. When we begin to feel safe emotionally we also begin to feel safe physically. We no longer feel threatened when touched. When we are receiving unconditional caring touch from someone who, not only understands the way our body works but holds good intentions for our wellbeing and we have the opportunity to connect with the feeling of freedom to express our emotions.
We begin, depending on our own level of trust in the therapist and ourselves, to do so without the fear of judgment. Fear of judgment is second only to our fear of death and in some segments of our society, it is actually more important than our fear of dying. As we relax emotionally, our brain may begin to activate the release of endorphins and seritonin. Our anxiety levels go down as our breathing becomes more regular and our circulation improves. Our blood pressure begins to normalize and our level of discomfort dissipates. We may drift off to sleep or actually express our feelings both emotionally and/or physically. As the therapist works with us, the levels of stress hormones that are trapped in our tissues will begin to leave their temporary residence and we feel able to move more freely without discomfort. In truth, our physiology is shedding the accumulation of stress hormones that began their journey when we became emotionally upset about something. This accumulation may be due to the conditioning that we all receive as we evolve from childhood into adulthood. This accumulation of stress hormones is considered to be a direct result of the conditioning we receive from everything in our social and economic environment as we grow up.
The benefits of Massage and why we need to make time for it!
Receiving a regular massage is well invested time. For many of us life is "all about the other" and not ourselves. We have been persuaded that to care for ourselves is self indulgent or even selfish. We are educated to believe that to ensure our position within society we must look after everyone else's needs first and only when we believe that they are satisfied can we care for ourselves. In reality, does this ever happen? If we are all caring for others then can we ever be satisfied or healed from within for and by ourselves. When we take care of ourselves we can then take better care of others. Instead of living our lives 95% for others should we aim for at least 70/30? Massage Therapy is, in fact, a therapy. One definition of therapy is defined as a method of providing an activity that helps you feel better about or helps you deal with a problem, either emotional and/or physical. When you go to the doctor it is your symptoms that are viewed, then the inevitable tests to confirm or deny the existence of the issue as they see it based on their past education and current experience in practice. When we get sick we tend to get that way for one reason and that reason could be directly related to a reduction in our immune function due to an accumulation of emotionally triggered stress.
Relax the emotions which triggered the stress and we facilitate a rebuilding of the immune function and we improve our health. Massage alone will not do that but when you add exercise, proper hydration, emotionally uplifting experiences and throw in higher levels of self respect and self worth with a supportive family and/or social network, then good things just may happen.
What to expect!
Before you make your first visit to anyone with whom you intend to establish a relationship that involves touch or discussion of a nature pertaining to your body and/or emotions, you should, at a minimum, ensure that they meet the licensing requirements of the state that they practice in. Unfortunately, massage is not normally recognized by major health insurance companies. Many of my clients consider it an "investment" in their preventative healthcare plan. On the first visit, we should expect our Massage Therapist to gather information about us via the intake process. Some use only 1 form and others may use up to 3 or 4. Normally, the more that is known about someone's condition, the better able we are able to facilitate for them. This should be followed by a clear description of the type of massage process that they practice. It is well understood in the massage community that the function of the Massage Therapist is not to "fix" our physical or emotional problems, but rather to alleviate our discomfort and facilitate a return to normalcy.
The recipient should be prepared to be involved in the process because without their dedication to self, a positive outcome is not likely over the long term. Understanding the motivation for wanting the massage, being able to be honest with our fears, fantasies and needs without feeling judged all go towards helping us feel able to let go and just receive in the emotion of joy. It allows one to close the door on the rest of the world and bring focus on the needs of SELF in a safe, relaxing, non-judgmental environment. Regardless of who you see for massage or any other form of treatment that involves touch, it is important to consider that appropriate touch is a touch that comes from a source that holds their complete attention and intention on your wellbeing, that you will be treated with the utmost respect and that the touch that is provided will be applied to facilitate a resolution of your issues. Massage is a therapy and as such should be received on a regular basis to gain the most benefit. Do yourself a big favor and make the time to receive the blessing of a massage.
Dustin Fox is a licensed massage therapist in the state of Montana. He is graduate of the Intuitive Touch Institute, the School of Holistic Management and a Certified Professional member of the ABMP. In this writing the author does not intend to diagnose, treat or cure any disorder that the reader may interpret from this writing and shall accept no liability for any mis-interpretation that may occur. If in doubt the reader should visit the Medical or Mental Health Professional of their choice.
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